“The thing that got me the most in this one was Dean caring about Lucas – remembering himself at his age and Mary’s death and how traumatic that was. THAT early it was the first time we (and Sam) saw that Dean was not okay even though he tried to always appear that he was okay. These early ones are sad. They do NOT save nearly everyone. There’s a lot of pain. It’s really compelling though.”
Very good point, JBB. After rewatching the early episodes several times, I got the impression that Dean never talked about the night Mary died, so Sam just assumed Dean was okay and was as “over it” as Sam was. But there were a few glimpses telling us that wasn’t the case. In the “Pilot” when Dean grabs Sam by the collar for speaking irreverently about Mary, in “Home” when Sam hears FOR THE FIRST TIME that Dean is the one who carried him out of the fire, and in this episode, when Sam learns that Dean was very traumatized by Mary’s death, but simply never talked about it and has always tried to be brave about it.
The weight this poor man has always had to carry is just mind-blowing.