April 7, 1993
Today I turned 8! My Daddy gave me a bow and arrow set, which I really really wanted, and which he's going to teach me to shoot, and Mommy gave me this diary. She had one just like it when she was a little girl like me. I'm going to write in it every day, tell all about my family and my life and all my Daddy's trips and the secret things that I can't tell the kids at school about. I love my diary!
June 3, 1993
Today was the last day of school! I am so happy that summer is here. Now I get to sleep late, never do homework, and I can help my Mommy everyday at the Roadhouse. She lets me carry trays and wipe tables and I am almost tall enough to reach the cash register. I love to talk to all the people, just like my Mom does. Everyone loves her and tells her lots of stories and they tell me stories too and help me not to be sad when my Daddy has to go away on a trip and I miss him. My Uncle Bobby says everyone here is family, and my Mommy is the one who keeps the family together. When I grow up, I'm gonna be just like Mommy, helping all the people who keep us safe and who keep all the secrets.
February 19, 1994
My Uncle John came to visit. I love it when he visits. He always brings me treats and tells me lots of stories. He says that this is his favorite place in the whole world. Uncle John was here all day, and he showed me some cool symbols he is investigating. When he left, he didn't take the paper with the symbols, and I thought he left it for me. So I took it. But later, Uncle John came back, and he was looking around everywhere, and then he asked my Mom if she knew where his paper was. He said that it had an important number on it. That was when I did a bad thing. I didn't tell him I took the paper. I felt bad, and I thought I should tell, but then Mommy told him a phone number and he wrote it down again and he wasn't angry at all. And I wanted to keep the paper - the things he drew are cool, and there are clues to figure out. I like clues, and figuring things out, and maybe if I work hard, I can help his investigation. Sometimes my mommy helps my dad. But Uncle John doesn't have anyone to help him. My dad thinks Uncle John is really cool, and so do I.
May 16, 1995
My Daddy is dead. I'm too sad to write anything else.
September 19, 1995
I hate going to school. It's boring and we learn dumb stuff and not the truth about what is out there and can hurt us, and how we have to be careful and that there are people who are saving us from those bad things. People who are saving us and we don't even know it and that's not fair because some people might get hurt or even die when they are working so hard to save the stupid people who don't even understand anything. Math homework and spelling bees and stupid English essays aren't going to matter at all, because someday there's going to be something bad that comes and chases us and kills us out of nowhere, and those things aren't going to keep us safe. Only the people at the Roadhouse can do that. I only want to be with them, where I can learn real things, important things, and where I can be safe.
Also, everyone at school stares at me, because I'm the weird freak whose dad is dead.
They don't know anything. They will never understand that my Dad is a hero, that he saved them everyday. I don't want to be like them, ever. I want to be like my Dad.
November 12, 1995
I miss my Daddy so much it hurts to even think about him. But I have to think about him, and I have to remember what a great hero he was. My Daddy helped people and saved people and kept everyone safe. And now I'm going to do that, too. I don't know if I can ever really be a hero like my Dad, but I'm gonna try my best.
January 4, 1996
I have made an important decision, which I think is something that people do when a new year begins. This diary is not going to be a diary anymore. It's going to be a hunter's journal. Lots of people here keep them, they write down important clues and things they learn when they investigate and sometimes they draw in them too. When my Mom and I went through Daddy's stuff, we found his journal, but when I asked Mom if I could look at it, she just turned around and held it real tight and I could tell she was crying a little. I hate it when she cries. It makes other people sad when they see someone cry. That's why I only cry when I'm alone in my room.
It's okay that I couldn't see my Daddy's journal, though, because I've seen the ones other hunters keep. Lots of guys at the Roadhouse keep them, and sometimes they let me see parts. Today Uncle Caleb gave me a page out of his journal, so I know what it's supposed to look like. I know it's supposed to have stories about creatures that I might need to investigate, or clues about the creatures. I'm going to think really hard and remember the stories that everyone here tells me, and especially the stories my Daddy told me, and I will write them down and have my own hunter's journal.
Some creatures/stories/clues I know about:
March 9, 1996
The Ammut is a kind of monster, a death eater. He is part lion and part crocodile and part hippopotamus and he is a trickster. In the 1800s there was a poltergeist so evil that it tormented anyone who tried to save the family. It even tried to hurt the cat.
Things I know:
August 2, 1996
Demons leave traces of sulfur. Ghosts leave cold spots and EMF.
Things I know:
December 30, 1996
There are creatures that hurt little kids, but no one will tell me about them. Someday I'll find out what they are.
The School Fight
March 6, 1997
I got into a fight this week at school. It was so not a big deal... this stupid a-hole had been bugging me for a few weeks (my Mom says that means he likes me, but she is way off base - this guy is just a jerk). I kept trying to ignore him, but then yesterday he followed me outside after lunch, taunting me, and I don't know, something in me snapped... I turned around and slugged him. Right in the jaw, with everything I had... and man, did he go down hard.
My Mom and "Uncle" Shawn had to come down and talk to the principal. (I have to say, now that I'm almost twelve, sometimes it feels silly that I still have to call the guys from the Roadhouse "uncles." But I understand now, better than ever, how important it is to be careful, to make sure that most people never know what we do. People just couldn't wrap their brains around it, and so mostly they'd just wander around asking silly questions and make our jobs harder. Maybe that's what really makes a hero, someone who saves people without asking to be noticed.)
Anyway, there was a lot of quiet talking while I sat in the hall... I bet they were saying how hard it's been for me since my father's death. I wish everyone would just stop talking about that. I didn't hit that guy because my father's dead, I did it because he deserved it. And I'd do it again.
I got a couple of days in detention and that's all. My Mom wasn't thrilled, but she wasn't too angry either... deep down, I think she's glad to know I can take care of myself. And Uncle Shawn... well, he had this grin on his face he couldn't hide. When we got back to the Roadhouse, he offered to give me pointers on my fighting. Said my technique could use a little work, but that there was nothing wrong with my instincts. 🙂
June 15, 1997
I think my training is coming along pretty well. Shawn and I are still working on my fighting skills. Last time we sparred, I actually got in a few good hits... I'm definitely improving. I've started running, trying to build up to three miles a day, and I'm still practicing with the bow and arrow set my Dad gave me. I've read four books on important subjects already this year, including Monsters, A Field Guide to Demons, and Southern Tales of the Supernatural (I won't write the name of the other one because it sucked big time). Even though I liked these three, I think most of the books that are out there are full of crap. Only a few people really know the truth.
August 27, 1997
For repelling ghosts = salt and iron.
For destroying ghosts = burning bones.
October 1, 1997
Some things that supernatural creatures are afraid of are silver, holy water, exorcisms, and decapitation. (I'm not sure which things go with which creatures.)
There are special demons called incubi and succubae. But my mother refuses to tell me about them.
January 17, 1998
A new hunter named Gordon has starting coming into the Roadhouse. Mom and I both agree that Gordon is an awesome hunter, especially considering the fact that he's way younger than most of the other guys. I really like talking to him. He loves to tell stories with a lot of details, which teaches me a lot, and he's always trying to scare me, which is good practice for being on a case. He's also really cocky but, like, in a cute way. One thing I know for sure - I'm definitely NOT gonna call him "Uncle Gordon". 🙂
February 3, 1998
Grimoire - a book of magical knowledge full of astrological stuff, names and descriptions demons, and information about spells, summoning, and talismans. I think there are a lot of different grimoires written by different people. I've never seen one, but Gordon has. He promised to show me sometime.
Incubi and Succubae
May 14, 1998
Gordon told me what incubi and succubae do. (Mom doesn't need to know about that.)
Also, I discovered that there's a place in Death Valley where rocks move on their own along the desert floor. No one knows why or how.
November 28, 1999
I like talking to Mom about hunting but she doesn't know as much as the real hunters. Or she pretends not to. Plus, she never wants me to leave the bar. I mean, for school and to go to the library, stuff like that is fine with her. But if I even mention going out into the field... forget it. Last week, Caleb was investigating a case just a few miles from here - two kids who died in a locked room, their hearts just suddenly gave out on them. It would have been perfectly safe for me to go along with him - the dead bodies were long gone to the coroner's, and there's no chance of anything happening to me in the middle of the day with Caleb standing right beside me. But Mom totally freaked when I asked to go with him. It's like she thinks I'm a stupid little kid, or a civilian. When is she gonna understand - I'm a hunter, and I have work to do?
New things I've learned:
February 8, 2000
Battlefields + cemeteries = the two most commonly haunted places.
A phantom traveler, a demon, took down Flight 401. The spirit continues to haunt any planes that contained a part from Flight 401. Lots of people believe it's the spirits of the captain and passengers from #401 that crash those other flights, but it's not true. It's the original demon spirit. I know because Uncle Shawn told me.
March 28, 2000
I can't believe I'm gonna be 15 soon. One of the girls in my class just turned 15... she had this big party, which I wasn't invited to. But who cares? The other kids, all they think about is getting their drivers permit and starting high school and who they're gonna take to Homecoming. They don't have any idea of what is out there in the dark, waiting for them. Of what people are doing everyday to keep them safe.
Gordon Is The Best
October 18, 2000
I think all of the hunters who come into Roadhouse are amazing. But I have to admit, of everyone I've seen, Gordon is still the best. I mean, he's totally fearless, there's no situation he won't tackle, and he's always gonna come out on top. Not only that, but he completely takes me seriously. A lot of the hunters look at me like I'm some dumb teenage girl who just wants to steal a sip of their drink. But Gordon - he talks to me like I'm a hunter. He takes me seriously, shares his knowledge, and helps me with my training. He's the real thing, you know?
March 6, 2001
There's a new guy at the Roadhouse - Miles. He's taken over for Danny and now he's a permanent fixture in the place. He's okay I guess, very laid back, super smart and good at his job. But he's not as cool as Gordon. Or as hot. 🙂
Gordon gave me a page from one of his reports about a hunt. He doesn't keep a journal so much as a logbook, marking down dates, times, addresses, evidence related to incidents he's checking into. It's all fascinating. I am learning so much.
August 22, 2001
As I write this, I am, without a doubt, facing more trouble than ever before. And I really wish I could say it was a supernatural threat... but no such luck. For a while now, Gordon has been teasing me about the fact that I'm a hunter who's not allowed to hunt. He was getting a lot of laughs at my expense, which annoyed the hell out of me... but it also made me realize just how right he was. And how pathetic that makes me. So, last week, I walked right up to him and challenged him to take me along on a hunt. And, to my surprise, without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, "It's about time. I've been waiting for you to get up the nerve to ask me."
I told my Mom I was spending the night with a friend from school, which I should have realized was a lousy cover since I have never in my life gone to a sleepover with anyone. But she seemed to believe me. Gordon took me on a stakeout, at an abandoned factory just outside of town. He suspected a Rawhead was using the place as its lair, bringing back its prey to torment and kill. We were just running surveillance... and after about four hours, Gordon heard a noise... something off in the far corner. He headed over to investigate... the place was dark as hell, couldn't see a thing. I was hardly breathing, just trying to keep hidden and out of sight and listening for Gordon. When all of the sudden, I heard another noise - right beside me! I must have jumped ten feet, and then I did the only thing I could think of... I ran, full out... and smack into my mother. She'd caught on to my lie, tracked us down... and embarrassed this "hunter" more than I ever thought possible.
I've seen my Mom pretty upset... but nothing even compares with that night. I thought she was never gonna stop screaming at Gordon. I mean, I know she was freaked out, and I know I lied, but some of the stuff she was saying... like Gordon used me as bait to lure out the Rawhead... it's just so off base. But right now, there's no reasoning with her. I know, I tried.
Maybe I'll give it another try if she ever lets me out of my room...
March 11, 2002
It's been over six months since "the incident" as Mom and I like to refer to my ill-fated trip with Gordon. I swear to God, I'm still barely allowed to leave the bar unless someone is with me. Mom even starting walking me to and from school! At first, I was really pissed off with the restrictions, but in the end, it's given me more time to spend at the Roadhouse, which has been great for my training. Not only am I turning into an excellent barmaid, I've gotten to spend a ton of time with Miles. He's the one person my Mom is totally okay with me talking to... I think it's because he never actually leaves the bar! Initially I wasn't too happy about getting stuck with him, but I'm not allowed within twenty feet of Gordon, and Mom is always listening in on my conversations with everyone else, which sucks big time. But, turns out, Miles is really good at his job... super smart, amazing at picking out patterns and seeing hidden clues in the data. And now, so am I. 🙂
By the way, Gordon and I still keep in touch, despite my mother's watchful eye. Since I'm with Miles so much, I have unlimited computer access... great for research AND for communicating. I even made up a special email address, just for Gordon to send me messages - Enihpesoj91@gmail.com
My Training Continues
September 18, 2002
Well, I really think I'm starting to get there with my training. I'm one kick-ass street fighter (so says Shawn, and Gordon knows it to, though he'd never admit it) and I've probably read every book written on the supernatural and occult (I still think most of them are crap), not to mention visited every website out there. About the only thing I don't have is real-world experience. But I have to admit, I do see my Mom's point about waiting to go out on hunts. I thought I knew so much last year, but I'm beginning to understand how much there is to figure out. As Mom says, the worst thing I can do is go out before I'm ready and end up getting someone hurt, or worse. I totally agree with that, and I am SO excited about the fact that Mom has promised to let me go on MY FIRST REAL HUNTING TRIP when I turn 18! With fellow hunters, of course, and totally under their supervision. And until then, I will spend every free second I have preparing and learning everything I possibly can. I'm really lucky to have my Mom watching out for me, and I promise to make her proud (and yes, Mom, I'd say that even if I didn't know you were sneaking peaks at this diary over my shoulder every chance you get!)
My First Hunting Trip!!!
April 10, 2003
I'm eighteen now. But, more importantly... I'm officially a hunter! I can call myself that and mean it now... my first hunt was amazing. I went out with Shawn and Jake Reilly. We were investigating a possible poltergeist in a city a few hours away, and the guys totally let me get involved, running the equipment, evaluating the signs. We checked for EMF and EVP and cold spots, tracked the center of the phenomenon to an upstairs closet, and conducted interviews with all the family members to figure out why their house was being targeted (I got to talk to the ten year old daughter, who was experiencing some of the worst trouble - loud voices at night, objects being hurled at her, doors spontaneously closing and locking on her). I can't say too much... the family is trusting us to protect their privacy, and Jake says we also can't get cocky and think we've totally solved the problem... we have to follow up again in a few months, make sure the house is still quiet. But I can say we cleaned out that house in one night, the three of us working together... well, the two of them came up with the solution, but I got to help implement it.
It felt SO good... working as part of a team, saving that family, sending an evil spirit back to hell where it belongs. I know this is what I'm meant to do... all my reading, my training, it prepared me for the mechanics, but I never had any idea how good, how right, hunting would feel to me. I can't wait to go out again!
October 3, 2004
It's been five months since my first hunting trip. I've gotten to go out three more times, but two of them turned out to be a bust (cases for the cops, not for us) and third was an easily-solved haunting (we knew who it was right away, burned the bones, and that was that). I know I'm learning stuff, but... does it have to be so boring? Plus, not many hunters are too excited about taking me along with them. I guess they think I'll hold them back. I wish Gordon was around more... although who I am kidding, he's the LAST person my Mom would ever let me go out with!
January 25, 2005
Okay, so I know this is a hunter's blog and NOT some stupid girly diary... and I'm gonna try to stick to the facts here, but well... let's just say today's subject is a little complicated for me to write about. Working at the Roadhouse, there are always a ton of hunters around... all my "uncles," of course, guys I've known since before my Dad died. And then friends, like Miles and Gordon. And then, well... there's Rick.
He's been coming in the bar for a while, and we always got along fine. Over the holidays... well, he started coming into the bar more often and I caught his eye looking at me. It was the kind of look you don’t forget and I don’t know why the possibility that Rick could be after anything besides a hunt had never occurred to me. It was awkward at first, but I sort of liked the attention. I started paying attention to what I said around him, what he was looking at when he was stopping by, and finally, well, one thing led to another, and… Like I said, just the facts. And the fact is, Rick and I are dating now. We didn’t want anyone else in the roadhouse to know, especially my Mom, she’d flip if she knew I was dating a hunter. But she’s got eyes and ears and one time called us out on it…but we both lied. I know she doesn’t believe me and it’s getting hard to hide so many things from her. The last thing she wants is me falling for a hunter, but who knows what’s best for me anyway? Me or my mom?
Like I said, just the facts. And the fact is, Rick and I are dating now. We told my Mom about it and everything. I think she's pretty happy about it... Rick is a damn good hunter and, like I said, the guy you'd want watching your back, and Mom always likes to know that someone's got my back. I think we're gonna be going on out on a lot of trips together.
March 18, 2005
I've spent the last few weeks transferring my old diaries and journal entries online, to this amazing site that Milestold me about. If you're reading this, I guess you already know the back story... how this is kind of like a "MySpace" for hunters, a hidden site that almost no one knows about, and that is password protected so that only other hunters can gain access. The site is a great tool, a common space where hunters can ask questions and share knowledge and advice. I first logged on months ago, and I've been fascinated by the other posts and blogs. This information is really helping me to prepare for my first solo hunt.
I'm not sure why I decided to add my own journal. I mean, I guess one thing that struck me as I read was the fact that there are almost no other women out there hunting, or at least writing about it on the site. And then, once I started adding my own stuff... well, it's been really interesting reading back over the stuff I wrote when I was a kid. Some of it's funny, some just pathetic - I really thought I knew everything when I was thirteen. And some of it is really sad and angry, this scared little kid trying to figure out why her father had left her.
Anyway, I figure most hunters have to face some pretty bad stuff, both out in the world and inside their own heads. Maybe these entries will help someone along their path, or at least comfort them a little. I don't know. But I'm gonna try to keep updating it, sharing stories and information and research with anyone who needs it.
May 16, 2005
Today is the anniversary of my father's death. I can't believe it's been ten years. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, it feels like just yesterday that he was here with me, chasing me around the yard, teaching me to shoot a bow and arrow, making up silly stories that had nothing to do with monsters or anything scary. But other times, it feels like half a lifetime ago - which, for me, it was. I forget what he smelled like, how he smiled, and the sound of his laughter. I hate the fact that I'm forgetting.
On a day like this, I'm really glad that I have Rick in my life.
September 3, 2005
I'm frustrated with myself for how rarely I update this blog. When I was a kid, I was lucky if I wrote in my journal twice a year, and I don't seem to be getting any better about it now, despite the fact that it's online. But then again, it's not like I have anything to update it with. Mom still won't let me go on solo hunt. Even though I know for sure that I'm ready. Dad would have let me go.
In other news, Rick has been gone for over two weeks on a hunt of his own. That's not unusual, he's been out that long before... but it's been four days since I talked to him. And that's just weird. He always checks in with me. I'm trying not to get all worked up... he's probably just doing some hard core surveillance, or working an inside cover. Still... I really wish he would call.
December 29, 2005
A couple of weeks ago, I was going through this closet we hardly ever use, I don't even know why. And way in the back, I found this box with my Dad's name on it. It was filled with all kinds of stuff, but before I could really get a good look, my Mom grabbed it away. I understand why she'd want to look through it, hold on to it, keep it for herself even... but he was my family too. I deserve the chance to remember him, and I want to get to know him better. I want to make him proud of me, and she's keeping me from that.
One thing I did see before Mom took the box... a piece of paper, my Dad's stationary. Totally blank except for the number 4747. It was dated three weeks before he died. I have no idea what those numbers mean - could they have something to do with a case? The case he was on when he died? Or am I just making up crazy stuff in my head because I'm bored? I wish I knew how to find out...
And then there's Rick... I just wish... hell, I don't know what I wish. It's not worth going into here anyway. This blog is supposed to be about hunting, not my personal life.
April 7, 2006
Happy birthday to me. Twenty-one years old, and it just feels appropriate that I'm back at this journal. A place I so seldom come, but it's been here for me for thirteen years now, seen me through my father's death and fights with my mom and first crushes and all kinds of growth and excitement and disappointment and hurt.
I've never been a "normal" kid, whatever that means, and if I'm sure of one thing it's that I won't be a normal adult. Which is just fine with me, because I love my life, I love my giant Roadhouse family. I have a purpose and I know what it is. But I'm tired of waiting. I should be allowed to go off on my own. I'm old enough to be careful now.
I love my mom but she won't let me grow up.
June 16, 2006
I'm sorry to say this will have to be my last posting, at least for now. I've decided there's no point in continuing... I don't have a single new thing to say. I'm going to wait until I FINALLY go on a solo hunt to resume the blog. No point in taking up space on the site when I don't have any real-world advice or experiences to share.
I still have my Enihpesoj91@gmail.com email address, for now at least. Just in case anyone is interested in hearing from me in my absence.
And Rick... if you're out there, drop me a line, will you?
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