|THEN: Dean broke down after learning he started the breaking of the 66 Seals, but Castiel's boss turned him around. Sam was drinking demon blood to bulk up for a confrontation with Lilith.
NOW: Welcome to the most wildly absurd episode of Supernatural ever. For all of you big Supernatural fans, get ready for a swift kick in the pants with a series of shout-outs to the fandom. Sam and Dean walk into a comic book store and ask about a possible haunting. After some time, the comic book guy recognizes them and asks if they’re LARPers. As if you don’t actually know, this means Live Action Role Players. He asks because they’re acting just like Sam and Dean, two characters from an underground cult series of books called Supernatural. Let's go down the rabbit hole, kiddies, it only gets more crazy from here. Supernatural is written by Carver Edlund (the real last names of two real Supernatural writers) and even though they never sold very well, they had a small cult following.
The opening credits for this week are in the style of a faux pulp novel series. The Winchesters head back to the hotel to research the books, Dean reads a few, where he always appears shirtless on the cover with rippling abs. He’s shocked at how sexual the series is because he’s full frontal in it. I think I missed that episode.
Sam is busy on the Internet, reading up on what some of the Supernatural fans are saying. Apparently there are Sam Girls and Dean Girls, and some fans are even into slash. Sam has to explain to Dean what that is, and he’s disgusted by the notion of the two handsome brothers being intimate with one another. Actually seeing them talk about this could be the funniest thing this show has ever done.
Sam appreciates the comments, but he does add, “For fans, they sure do complain a lot.” As someone who writes about this show and sees you fans every day, I have to say that this show pretty much nailed the fandom to a tee.
They head off to see the publisher of Supernatural, posing as reporters who want to write a story about it. The woman thinks a little press is just what this show needs to bring in more readers, since they stopped publishing it after the end of the third volume, which ended with Dean going to Hell in “No Rest for the Wicked.” This episode is shameless in the way it’s calling out everything, even specific episode titles.
The publisher is angry that fans are now more interested in sexy doctors who happen to be in direct competition with Sam and Deam. Suck on that, Grey’s Anatomy! This woman is obviously a crazy fan girl, mentioning that “Heart” and “Home” are her favorites because they’re emotional. “The best parts are when they cry.” This could very well be my favorite episode of Supernatural ever. Not the best, just my favorite.
She tells them that the author’s real name is Chuck Shurley, and we cut to Chuck who is busy reading his latest manuscript which describes Sam and Dean coming up to a rundown house and pushing the doorbell. Just then, his own doorbell rings. It’s Sam and Dean, and Chuck freaks out.
At first he doesn’t believe it, but then they tell him their last name is Winchester, which he claims was never written and he never told anyone their last name. He now knows this is for real, and he apologizes for the general crappiness of “Bugs” and the ghost ship in "Red Sky at Morning” Apology accepted, Supernaturalwriters.
He tells them about his latest book, a Vonnegut-esque piece. Dean wonders if it’s more like Slaughterhouse Five or Cat’s Cradle, and Sam is as impressed as I am that Dean is a Vonnegut fan. It’s actually more Kilgore Trout as he wrote himself into the book, and it’s here that he finally realizes he’s living the book he’s currently writing, which is also the episode we’re currently watching.
To let all of this sink in, Sam and Dean go to a laundromat where Dean reads aloud from the book, describing everything that’s happening. They ask Chuck what’s next, and he tells them that Lilith returns and engages in some hot, fiery demonic sex with Sam. Just so you don’t think this is going to turn into To Catch a Predator, Lilith is now posing as a hot dental hygienist.
He also claims that Dean will be hit by a minivan, see stars, have pink flower band-aids on his face and drive his Impala with a tarp covering the rear window. It might be kind of nice to have a book telling you exactly what’s going to happen to you.
The Winchesters grab some food, but Dean thinks in order to prevent Sam and Lilith from doing the nasty, they need to do everything the opposite of how they normally do things. So Sam isn’t allowed to do research and Dean isn’t allowed to eat bacon cheeseburgers, even though Oprah’s BFF Gale claims this diner’s bacon cheeseburgers are the best in the world. But really, what does Gale know about burgers? Did Oprah boycott beef?
They head to a motel where Dean takes the laptop and orders Sam to relax and watch some porn while he parks his car. After parking it, he sees someone try to break into the Impala, and as Dean crosses the street to stop him, he gets hit by a minivan. The driver is a woman with star earrings and her daughter covers Dean in pink flower band-aids. Ooh, spooky.
Adding insult to injury, the rear window of the Impala is smashed in. Uh oh. You can hit Dean with all the minivans in the world and cover him head to toe in pink flowers, but you do not mess with the Impala.
During Dean’s adventure, Sam talks to Chuck about what’s going on in the books with his storyline and why he’s not in it as much. Chuck says it’s because of all the demon blood Sam’s been drinking, and Chuck thought that if he wrote about that, it might make his character too unsympathetic. This episode has an explanation for everything.
Later Dean has his own one-on-one with Chuck and wants to know why he’d keep doing all this bad stuff to them. Just as he’s about to put a hurt on this little writer, Castiel arrives to stop him by claiming Chuck is a prophet of the Lord.
Chuck is freaked out to meet Castiel. He knew this might happen, but he thought writing himself as a prophet of the Lord would be “M. Night-level douchiness.” OK, that was funny, but this makes about the fourth consecutive episode to use a form of the word “douche,” and Supernatural writers really need to find a new word.
Castiel assures Dean that this is all real, and that one day these Supernatural books will be called the Winchester Gospel, a sort of new New Testament. Dean has his doubts that the loser Chuck could be a prophet, but Castiel says that when he first started, Luke was even worse.
Dean returns to the motel to beg Sam to leave, but Sam refuses, wanting to face down Lilith once and for all. Outside, Dean prays out loud, begging for some help with Sam. God doesn’t appear, but Castiel does.
Castiel tries to explain why he can’t help by saying that if a prophet is in danger, an archangel will come down to save him, and an archangel is the most powerful creature in Heaven. Castiel adds that if a prophet and a demon happened to be in the same room at the same time, then maybe the demon would suffer the wrath. Castiel is kind of a genius when it comes to finding loopholes.
Lilith finally shows up, looking quite hot. Sam tries to use his new powers to kill the demon inside of her, but she’s immune. However, she offers a deal. If Sam and Dean agree to let her kill them, she promises to stop breaking the 66 Seals and Lucifer will stay locked away forever. Why does she want this deal? Because she knows the future and that she dies just before the good part. She wants to go back to the old days before angels and Seals.
After some thinking, Sam says yes, because, as Lilith points out, self-sacrifice is the Winchester way. But in order to seal the deal, he literally has to seal the deal, as in sex. Unfortunately for everyone involved, Dean and Chuck arrive for some coitus interruptus. Lilith tries to attack him, but the room shakes and quakes as the big, bad archangel is on his way. Dean convinces her that leaving is her best option, so the demon flies away.
On the car ride out of town, Sam tells Dean about the deal and Dean seems to think it might not have been entirely bad. Sam assures him that Lilith was right about one thing: she won’t last long because he’ll kill her personally. I can not wait for that.
Finally, Chuck has some terrifying nightmares about what’s to come for the Winchester brothers and he wakes up wanting to call and warn them. But the angel Zachariah is there to stop him, because there’s nothing he can do about it. So all he has to do is write, and whatever terrible things he saw will happen.
So they had the car accident at the end of season 1, Sam died at the end of season 2, and Dean went to Hell at the end of season 3. I’m guessing season 4's ending won’t exactly be a happy one.