Monster Movie Transcript

ACT TWO

EXT. Car parked in secluded spot. It is foggy. Owl hoots.

A couple kissing in he car.

ANNA-MARIE
Rick. Did you hear that?

RICK
What?

ANNA-MARIE
It sounded like a wolf.

RICK
Come on, Marie, don't change the subject.
(coaxingly)
I told you what could happen to a man if he doesn't --

ANNA-MARIE
Those stories aren't true.

RICK
They are. Baby, If a man doesn't get the stuff out of his system regularly, it can back up and cause all kinds of...
medical type problems.

Shadow of hands, then monster shadow on the car. ANNA-MARIE and RICH are kissing

ANNA-MARIE
Shh, do you hear that?

RICK
Anna-Marie, there aren't any wolves in Pennsylvania.

WEREWOLF breaks window and pulls RICK out

ANNA-MARIE
(screams)

EXT. next day SAM and DEAN site across from ANNA-MARIE at an outside table

ANNA-MARIE
(sucks on a straw in a large cup. SAM and DEAN exchange a look.)
And then it just -- it just tore Rick into little pieces.

DEAN
Ma'am, we understand how hard this is, but can you describe the creature?

ANNA-MARIE
(sucks on straw)
Oh. It was a werewolf.

SAM
A werewolf? You're sure?

ANNA-MARIE
Oh, yeah. With the furry face and the black nose and the claws and the torn-up pants and shirt, like from
the old movies.

SAM
Um, well...

DEAN
Okay, so... Thank you for your time.

They leave. ANNA-MARIE sucks on the straw, watches them

EXT. the Morgue

SAM looks at label then opens a storage drawer

DEAN
First a dracula and now a full-on movie-time wolf man? What the hell is going on in this town?

SAM
(unzips body bag)
Ohh. Whew.

DEAN
Damn!

SAM
All right.
Whatever did this wasn't a psycho wannabe.
(poking around in the corpse, lifting a piece up with a pencil)
Look at those bite marks.
(pointing at corpse)
Right down to the bone... and deeper.

DEAN
Strong enough to tear a healthy man apart limb from limb. Could be a werewolf.

SAM
Yeah, except, look. The heart's still there in one piece. They never leave the heart behind.

DEAN
(annoyed)
Thus I reiterate -- what the hell is going on?

SHERIFF
Well, I was hoping you boys could tell me. I just got a rush job back from the lab on those fibers we found on the body.
(pulls out bag from envelop)
Canine. Wolf hairs.

DEAN
(pitches the bridge of his nose)
I'm getting a headache.

EXT – the bar

SAM AND DEAN sit at a table

DEAN
I don't know, man. Looks like we've stumbled on to a midnight showing of "Dracula meets wolf man". Is that it?
(drinks)

SAM
I don't know. I mean, wolf man seems real enough. It makes Dracula seem a little less impossible, I guess.
(chewing)

DEAN
Yeah, but werewolves don't grow wolf hair.That's just a myth.

SAM
Yeah.

DEAN
So, what? We've got a vampire and a werewolf monster mashing this town?

JAMIE
(bringing beer)
Looked like you guys are staying a while. I heard about Rick Deacon.

DEAN
Yeah, this case just got weird enough for our department.

JAMIE
Well, beers are on me. And, just so you know, I get off at midnight tonight.

DEAN
Oh, it's not another, uh, girls' night out?

JAMIE
Doesn't have to be.

DEAN
Okay, then. I'll see you tonight.

JAMIE
Okay, then.
(she leaves)

DEAN
Hey, you think this Dracula could turn into a bat? That would be cool.

EXT - Museum

GUARD
(talking on cell phone)
That's right. Yeah, an Egyptian kind of deal. No, it was just sitting there on the loading dock. No, doctor, there's no shipping invoice. There's no nothing.
(sarcophagus lid begins to move)
I don't know when it was deliver, it was here when I clocked in tonight. I thought you’d know what to do. Think Helen has any record of it in her files?

GUARD turns and see a mummy rising from the sarcophagus, he stumbles back as the mummy leaves the sarcophagus and begins moving toward him.

GUARD
Holy mother of crap!

GUARD shoots the mummy. It grabs his throat and lifts him up against the wall. GUARD choking

GUARD
No!

CUT to the museum

The police are moving around. The SHERIFF is seen talking to his men. SAM and DEAN investigate the sarcophagus.

SAM
This sarcophagus isn't ancient.
(holding up tag)
It's from a prop house in Philly.

DEAN
Well... It goes well with the bucket of dry ice
(holds up bucket)
he was keeping in it.

SAM
Is he making his own special effects?

DEAN
Yeah, a mummy with a good sense of showmanship.

SAM
This is stupid.

DEAN
Oh, damn it. Jamie. I'm late. You're good here with the mummy and the... (waves hands) crazy

SAM
Yeah, yeah.

CUT to outside the bar

JAMIE
(standing outside bar looking at her watch)
Your loss, g-man.
(starts walking home)

DRACULA
[Hungarian accent]
Good evening.
(swirls cap over his shoulder)

JAMIE runs, DRACULA follows.

DRACULA
I have watched you many nights from afar. My passion knows no bounds! You are the reincarnation of my beloved,
(JAMIE fumbles in her purse)
And I must have you.

JAMIE sprays DRACULA in the face and runs away

DRACULA
Mary, son of a...

DRACULA runs after JAMIE.

DEAN
Jamie!

JAMIE crashes into DEAN
DRACULA appears

DEAN
Son of a b*tch.

DRACULA
You should not use such language In the presence of my bride.

DEAN
Okay.

DEAN punches DRACULA. They fight

DEAN
Jamie, run!

DRACULA
You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker. Mina is mine.
(tries to bite DEAN)

DEAN rips off DRACULA’s ear. He flees. DEAN pursues. DRACULA leaps over a gate and escapes on a moped.

TITLE CARD: INTERMISSION

EXT- bar

SAM
Hey. You guys all right?

DEAN
Yeah, I think so. And I think I know what's going on.
(sets folded towel on the table)

SAM
Yeah?

DEAN
Part of it at least.

SAM
(opens the towel, DRACULA’s ear is in the towel)
Uh, the ear part?

DEAN
Ripped it off of Dracula's head. Touch it. Feel familiar to you?

SAM
(touches the ear)
Oh, man.

DEAN
The skin of a shapeshifter, just like St. Louis and just like Milwaukee. Of course this one's all holding buckets of crazy.
Oh, and, uh...
(DEAN pulls out medallion from his jacket)
I pulled this off during the fight.
(hands it to SAM)
Look at the label on the ribbon.

SAM
(looks)
It's a costume rental.

DEAN
All three monsters - the dracula, wolf man, and the mummy -- all the same critter, which means we need to catch this freak before he "Creature from the Black Lagoon's" somebody.

JAMIE
So, you guys are like Mulder and Scully or something, and The X-files are real?

DEAN
(facetiously)
No, "The X-files" is a TV show. This is real.

JAMIE
Oh.

DEAN drinks from a liquor glass

SAM
Okay, so, the stagecraft, the costuming -- it's like he's trying to re-enact his favorite monster movie moments,
right down to the bloody murders.

JAMIE
Wait a second. Who the hell is Mina?

DEAN
Mina? Yeah. That's what he called Jamie. And he called me Mr Harker.

SAM
Jonathan Harker? They're characters from the movies and the novels -- Mina, Dracula's intended bride, Harker, the fiance... Seems like he's fixating on you, like he sees you as his bride.

JAMIE
Wow. Lucky me.

SAM
But to fixate on you, my guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before or been around you.

DEAN
Jamie, has anybody strange come to town, somebody that has taken a specific notice of you?

JAMIE
I don't know, Dean. It's Oktoberfest. I'm a bartender. There's lots of people. I... Wait a second. There is Ed.

SAM
"Ed Brewer" Ed?

JAMIE
Yeah. He moved here about a month ago. Lucy swears he has a crush on me. He comes in almost every night. But, you know, I don't think he's the type of guy --

DEAN
Where does Ed live?

JAMIE
I don't know. But he works at the old movie theater. I think he's a projectionist there.

SAM
Take care of Mina?

DEAN
Yep.

SAM leaves.

JAMIE
(pacing in front of the booth Dean is sitting in)
So, monsters are real.

DEAN
Some of them, yeah.

JAMIE
And the shapeshifter, he can turn into different people.

DEAN
Yeah. Yeah, except this one's turning into the great monsters of screenland, which is a new one for me.

JAMIE
You're not really FBI, are you?

DEAN
Not so much.

JAMIE
So, this is what you do? You and your partner just tramp across the country on your own dime until you find some horrible nightmare to fight?

DEAN
Some people paint.

JAMIE
Wow.

DEAN
What?

JAMIE
That must suck. I mean, you're giving up your life for this terrible... I don't know, responsibility

DEAN
Last few years, I started thinking that way, and, uh, it started sort of weighing on me. Of course, that was before...
(shifts uncomfortably)
A little while ago, I had this -- It's called a near-death experience. Very near.

JAMIE sits next to DEAN

DEAN
And, uh...when I came to... Things were different. My life's been different. I realize that I help people. Not just help them, though. I save them. I guess it's -- it's awesome. It's kind of like gift... Like a mission. Kind of like a... a mission from god.

JAMIE
So, does that make you... Some kind of monk or something? You know, celibate?

DEAN
Man, I hope not.

They kiss. Lights come up, they break apart.

LUCY
Holy crap. Oh, my god. Jamie. Guys, I'm -- I'm sorry. I thought you guys were going out.

JAMIE
Lucy, it's -- It's okay. Uh, listen -- you know what?

LUCY
I just -- I came to borrow a bottle.
(holds bottle)
I kind of got something going back at my... Anyway, uh, you guys look really busy, so I'm just gonna get out of your hair.

JAMIE
Seriously, Lucy, it's been a crazy night. Stay for a drink.

DEAN
Yeah. Stay for a drink.

JAMIE and DEAN smile

Ext – movie theatre

Phantom of the Opera is showing. Organ music swells as SAM walks in. SAM checks the clip in his gun then walks towards a shadow of a man playing an organ. ED BREWER switches the music to something happy

BREWER
Whoa!

SAM pushes him against the organ and holds him at gun point

BREWER
You, FB5 man -- What did I --

SAM
Shut up, okay, you know what you did.

BREWER
What?

SAM
I know what you are.

BREWER
I'm not anything. I just like to play the casio.

SAM
Had time to grow the ear back, huh?

SAM grabs BREWER’s ear and pulls

BREWER
What?! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

SAM
(confused)
It's supposed to come off.

BREWER
No, it's not!

EXT. - bar

LUCY
Oh, that sounds awful. Jamie, honey, are you okay?

JAMIE
Oh, I am fine. He didn't even touch me. Dean, he just blew right in and fought him off.

DEAN
Well, I didn't actually fly, but I'm sure it seemed that way at the time.

LUCY blots her lipstick

JAMIE
(sounding sleepy)
It was really, really something.

DEAN
Jamie?

LUCY
So, Dean, are you like a black belt or what?

DEAN looks at his glass; it swims before his eyes

LUCY
Well, I guess they train you to fight at the academy or whatever.

DEAN leans across to punch LUCY. He pushes JAMIE out of the booth. They both stagger.

JAMIE
Dean, what are you doing?

JAMIE passes out, falling back into the booth

DEAN
It's you, isn't it?

LUCY pushes her jaw back into place. DEAN kicks her again.

DEAN
Oh, damn it! What did you put in the drinks?!
(smashes bottle on the edge of table)
That's all right. I'll skin you myself.

(Dean passes out, bottle falls off his hand)

LUCY
And...scene.

EXT – dungeon

DEAN wearing an Oktoberfest costume is tied to an upright table

DEAN
Oh, come on.

DEAN looks at a portrait of a woman’s face

DRACULA
She is beautiful, no? Bride number three
(he crosses to the woman’s portrait)
from the first film. She never got the acclaim that she deserved.
(he caresses her face)
Which is why I chose her shape, Her form to move among the mortals unnoticed, to listen to the cricket songs of the living. That is when I discovered my bride had been reborn In this century.

DEAN
I can't get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed, crazy son of a b*tch you really are. You're not Dracula. You get that, right? Or even if you think you are Dracula, what the hell's up with the mummy?!

DRACULA
(punches DEAN in the face)
I am all monsters!

DEAN
Life ain't a movie, you sorry sack of –

DRACULA punches DEAN in the face.

DEAN
Aah.

DRACULA
(pacing)
Life is small. Meager, messy. The movies are grand, simple, elegant. I have chosen (he flings out his cape) elegance.

DEAN
You think "elegance" is really the word for what you did to Marissa or Rick Deacon or any of the others?!

DRACULA
But of course. It is a monster movie, after all.

DEAN
You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie?

DRACULA
Ah. But this movie is mine. And in it, the monster wins. The monster gets the girl. And the hero, he’s... electrocuted.

DRACULA crosses to a large lever.

DRACULA
And tonight, Jonathan Harker,
(he grips the lever)
You will be my hero.

Doorbell rings.

DRACULA
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
(chuckles nervously )
Please, excuse me.

DRACULA walks through a modern looking hallway to the door and opens it

DRACULA
Good evening.

DELIVERY BOY
Uh... pizza delivery.

DRACULA
Ah, you've brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service and your life will be spared.

DELIVERY BOY
Uh-huh.
(pulls out pizza from insulated bag and holds it out)
That'll be $15.50.

DRACULA
Tell me... yeah? ... Is there garlic on this pizza?

DELIVERY BOY
I don't know. Did you order garlic?

DRACULA
No!

DELIVERY BOY
Then no.
(impatiently)
Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?

DRACULA
Of course, yes, but I have a coupon.
(holds up a coupon)

EXT – bar

SAM walks around

SAM
(on cell phone)
Dean, hey, listen, uh, Ed is not our guy. Um, I'm guessing you're at home with Jamie, so just give me a call, okay?

SAM sees bottle on floor and napkin with lipstick print

SAM
Lucy.

EXT – bedroom

JAMIE is laying on the big bed.

DRACULA
You wake.
(gestures to a white satin dress hanging by the bed)
The gown -- It suits your beauty. Please, put it on.

JAMIE
Where am I? What have you done with Dean?

DRACULA
Harker is resting elsewhere. Please, put on the gown and you may dine. We are having pizza.

JAMIE
What? What is wrong with you? You made up Lucy, right? Pretended to be my friend.

DRACULA
I needed to know if you were the one.

JAMIE
You could try talking to people! But instead you become this?

DRACULA
Put on the gown.

JAMIE
I don't want to play your stupid game, okay? I just --I just want to go home.

DRACULA
(yelling)
Put on the gown!

EXT – front door of Dracula’s residence

Lock is picked and SAM enters. He holds his gun out at the ready.

EXT – bedroom

JAMIE smooths the gown down her hips

DRACULA
(normal voice)
I--I scared you.
You were the only one I don't want to scare.
(he turns so he can see JAMIE)
I used to love the movies.

JAMIE
They aren't real. You can't make them real.

DRACULA
"Real" is being born this way. Different. "Real" is having your dad call you "monster" -- It's the first time you hear the word –
(he turns away from JAMIE)
And he tries to beat you to death with a shovel. Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide, people found me, dagged me, called me "freak," called me "monster." Then I found them.
(he turns back to JAMIE)
The great monsters. In their movies, they were strong. They were feared. They were beautiful. And now I am like them. Commanding.
(Hungarian accent)
Terrifying.

JAMIE
Lonely.

DRACULA
(normal voice)
I was lonely. Now I -- I have you.

JAMIE
Ever think that maybe you're lonely because you kill people?

DRACULA
Or I kill people because I'm lonely.
(sound of something being knocked over)
Did you hear that?

JAMIE
What? Dean?
(yelling)
Dean!

DRACULA hits her, knocking her out.

EXT – dungeon

SAM enters.

DEAN
Oh, thank god. Just in the nick of time. That guy was about to Frankenstein me.

SAM unties DEAN.

SAM
(looking at Dean's clothes)
Hey there, handsome.

DEAN
(points finger at SAM)
Shut up!

DEAN gestures for SAM to kick down the door. SAM puts his foot through the door.

SAM
Let's go.

EXT – bedroom

(SAM opens the door and crosses to JAMIE lying on the bed.

DRACULA
Aah!
(Hungarian accent)
You will never be van Helsing!

DRACULA throws SAM through the wall. DEAN attacks him. They fight.

DRACULA
And you, Harker, now you die.

DEAN
How 'bout now you shut the hell up?

DEAN is thrown to the ground, DRACULA raises his arms, about to go in for the kill. GUN SHOOTS.

DRACULA
Silver?
(he turns to see JAMIE holding the gun)
It was beauty that killed the beast.
(he staggers)
No, Mina, do not weep.
(falls into a chair)
Perhaps this is how the movie should end.

Fade in on DRACULA’s slumped form in the chair.

EXT – town square.

DEAN and JAMIE kissing.

JAMIE
Well, thank you, g-man. You have been a great service (kiss) to your country (kiss).

DEAN
Oh, yes, (kiss) I'm very, very patriotic.

SAM standing behind DEAN. DEAN looks over his shoulder at him. SAM smiles tensely. DEAN turns back to JAMIE.

DEAN
Bye.

JAMIE
Bye.

DEAN and SAM begin to walk away.

JAMIE
You guys
(they pause and turn back to her)
saved my life, you know? So, thanks.
(she leaves)

SAM
I like her.

DEAN
Feels good to be back on the job, doesn't it?

SAM
Yeah, it does.

DEAN
The hero gets the girl, monster gets ganked, all in all, happy ending -- with a happy ending, no less.

SAM
(chuckles)
Real classy, Dean.

DEAN
Hey, all I'm saying is, the shifter man had a point, you know? It would be nice if life was movie simple. Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this "Abbott and Costello meet the monster" crap.

SAM
Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.

DEAN
(chuckles)
No, you don't.

SAM
I do.

DEAN
No, you don't.

SAM
I do. "Porky's II."

DEAN
What?

SAM
You heard me.

DEAN
Lucky guess.

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